TWANA LAWLER

A Journey of Faith: How God Healed Me from AIDS

My name is Twana, but you can also call me Neecee! I have been a born-again Christian since 2000, and shortly after that, I started to hear the voice of the Lord. 

One night, after being released from the hospital following surgery, I lay in bed and cried out to Jesus, asking Him to take away the pain from the staples in my stomach. I was honest with Him and admitted that I was living a sinful life. I was going through the motions of church while still drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. As I shared this truth with Him, the pain slowly faded away as He whispered in my ear, reassuring me that everything would be okay, everything will alright.

With the pain gone, I got out of bed, went to my computer desk, and began to write spiritual poems. This marked the start of my journey in hearing the Lord’s beautiful voice. Later, God told me to resign from my job, and out of obedience, I did. My daughter and I attended a prophetic church event where a pastor told me that I was about to face my Job moment.

Reflecting on my past, I realize it was filled with struggles. When I was 11 years old, I was molested by a teenage cousin. This happened because my parents worked, and my younger brothers and I had to go to different babysitters. The incident occurred while being cared for by a relative on my mother’s side.

This experience troubled me for many years. When I was 12, my mother left my father because he was cheating on her. Soon after, my father took his own life, and in that moment, he took a part of me with him. One day, a man came out of my mother’s room wearing a robe. I asked my brother why someone was coming out of Mom’s room, and he told me it was her boyfriend.

I wanted to go home because the man living with us was a stranger. My brothers agreed, so after school, we went to see our father. He was crying, and we told him we wanted to come back home. I explained that we needed to share this with our mom. 

The next day, we were on our way to see him when our cousin pulled up and asked us to get in the car. He said it was an emergency, so we drove to the hospital, where we found out that our father had tried to take his life. Our mother asked our cousin to take us back to our aunt’s house. 

We were sitting near our grandmother when the phone rang in the other room. My aunt answered, and suddenly, she let out a loud scream. My brothers and I knew then that he was gone, and we cried.

Without grief therapy the actions of my father turned my life upside down. I became a teen mom, a teen wife to an abusive young man. Everyday he thought that I was a punching bag. My ex was controlling, jealous and abusive. 

After I left my abusive ex, he took my kids and refused to bring them home. His family turned against me, so I had to hire a lawyer. My ex-mother-in-law eventually brought my daughters back, saying they were crying to come home. I was thrilled to see them, but then she called and said I hadn’t returned them on the date we agreed upon. The police came to my house, and one officer advised me not to send them back.  He handed me a business card for a lawyer friend of his. We went to court, and I won. It was stressful to see five family members sitting across from me, but I felt happiness because I was finally free. All five passed back-to-back. It was the form that they were sitting across from me, 

I had made a mistake on my last blog where I stated that my two daughters became addicted. It was not my daughters; they are college educated with one child each. Two of my sisters-in-law became addicted to drugs, which was a new experience for me. I turned to alcohol, drinking only beer. This started when I was 21 and a stranger broke into my home while I was asleep and sexually assaulted me. That traumatic event pushed me to start drinking and smoking cigarettes. However, I no longer have those habits because the power of the Lord took them away without me even asking. The day He whispered in my ear, I lost all desire to smoke or drink, and I have been sober for 24 years. 

In my last blog post, I made an error that I want to clarify. I mistakenly stated that my two daughters became addicted to drugs. That is not true. Both of my daughters are college-educated and each has one child.

It was actually two of my sisters-in-law who struggled with drug addiction—something that was entirely new and unfamiliar to me at the time.

My journey with addiction began when I was 21 years old, after a traumatic event where a stranger broke into my home while I was asleep and assaulted me. That incident changed my life and led me to start drinking and smoking cigarettes as a way to numb the pain.

But by the grace of God, I no longer carry those habits. The Lord delivered me from them—not because I asked, but because He knew I needed healing. The day He whispered in my ear, I lost all desire to smoke or drink. That was 24 years ago, and I have been sober ever since.

The first time I heard God’s voice was when He whispered in my ear, reassuring me that everything would be okay and that I would be alright. This happened during a time when I felt completely drained from being sick and tired. I had a nice home, a nice car, and a good job, but I wasn’t happy until that day after my surgery. I cried out to the Lord, sharing my struggles and asking for grace, even though I had not shown Him any mercy. I believed that trying to drown my sins in alcohol was not only wrong but also immoral. .In trying to cope with the stress and emotional toll, I turned to alcohol, drinking only beer and smoling cigarettes. 

Here are some of my childhood experiences. I grew up in a household with both parents working, which meant my three younger brothers and I had several babysitters. One of these babysitters was my aunt, and her daughter often touched me inappropriately. She even took me to a nightclub when I was just 12 years old. I worried that my mother would be very upset if she found out about both the inappropriate touching and the nightclub visit.

One evening, my mother came into my room and told me she was leaving my father. I was shocked to learn that a man named Alfred Lee Lawler Sr., who I only knew as my father, we will be leavin him. This new man felt like a stranger, and my mother never introduced us. I couldn’t stand him, especially since he tried to act like a father even though he had never been one before. My brother, Alfred Lee Lawler Jr., told me that this man had tried to come into my room at night. Hearing about this was heartbreaking for me, especially since it felt like my family was falling apart, and that’s all I had ever known.

More to come in Part Three, it gets deeper.